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Being a Londoner is about more than just understanding what “having a butchers at jam jar outside the nuclear sub” means. In fact, try calling yourself a native before you’ve ticked these things off your list, and there’ll be Barney Rubble…


1. Fall asleep on the Tube

Bonus if it’s on the Circle line.

2. Play Chinatown roulette 

Pick a random restaurant, pray for the best (or just go here).

3. Walk faster

However fast you walked before you lived in London, you need to almost double it now.


4. Ride a Boris Bike

They’re called that because it’s impossible to ride them and look cool.

5. Learn the correct pronunciation of everything

Marylebone, Southwark, and Greenwich are all entry level. You need to know Cazenove and Ruislip too…

6. Live within Zone 2 at least once

Most Londoners consider Zones 3 and out to be another country.



7. Have a close encounter with an urban fox

They are the most majestic of pests.

8. Have your weekend plans scuppered by engineering works

Also: refuse to check the scheduled engineering works ahead of time.

9. Have a crazily strong opinion on house prices 

They’re either horrible or glorious, and nothing in between.



10. Go on the Thames in some form

Possibly even as public transport!

11. Knowledgeably discuss the Tube map without looking at it

As a Londoner, you should have a near-photographic memory of it.

12. Have a favourite pub

You throw a stick in London, and you’ll hit five great pubs. So choosing a favourite is harder than it sounds…



13. Walk across a bridge at night

And marvel at the SHEER BEAUTY.

14. Go to at least one gig

Even if you aren’t into live music — the rest of the city most definitely is. 

15. Go on a pub crawl

In fairness, this is a requirement for being British.



16. Give a taxi driver directions

The farther away from your destination you are, the better.

17. See the city from really high up

The Shard, the London Eye, even the Monument…

18. Have a BBQ in the rain

And stubbornly refuse to surrender.


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