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21 Questions You Should Definitely Never Ask A Londonder

1. Can you meet me outside Oxford Circus station? I don’t know London that well.



Answer: How about I just meet you in hell?

2. Are you sure it’s healthy to be going to the pub five nights a week?



Answer: I’m sure it isn’t, but do I look like I care?

3. Would you like to come to my party in Epping on Saturday night?



Answer: I mean, I could come, but you know what I could also do? Not.

4. You look miserable, why aren’t you smiling?



Answer: Probably because you’re talking to me

5. I fancy a fun day out, shall we go to M&M’s World?



Answer: I’ve got another suggestion, how about instead, I just murder you.

6. What’s Chicken Cottage?



Answer: Are you serious right now?

7. What’s the point in all these big parks, can’t they just build shops there instead?




8. So when are you planning to buy a place of your own?



Answer: Just don’t even start.

9. Why don’t you just commute from zone 6 to save money on rent?



Answer: I quite like spending my life not on trains thanks.

10. Actually, why don’t you just move up North?



Answer: You mean, apart from the fact that my job and all my friends are here?

11. Can you move down the carriage please?



Answer:If I could move at all that would be nice.

12. It’s fine if I just play this music through my phone speakers on the bus, right?

enhanced-26282-1432218653-1Answer: Sure, but I’ll be putting this question on your tombstone.

13. I’d love to go on a date with you – how does Angus Steakhouse sound?



Answer: Like you’re probably going to be eating alone.

14. Shall we take the cable car? What a cool and fun idea that was.



Answer: How about you take the cable car, and I stand at the other side and cut the cables?

15. If pubs are so expensive here, why don’t you just drink at home?



Answer: Because then I will be drinking alone and will have to face up to my alcohol problem.

16. Dogs on the tube? Isn’t that kind of unhygienic?



Answer: Says the person sneezing then putting their hand back on the rail ಠ_ಠ.

17. I need to grab a couple of bits, can you come with me to Westfield?



Answer: Of course I’ll come with you, I love making myself deeply unhappy.

18. What colour line are we taking?



Answer: Don’t make me answer this in public.

19. Can we go to that cereal cafe?



Answer: NO!!!

20. If you fancy that person on the tube so much why don’t you just ask them out?



Answer: Because that is creepy and also have you seen me?

21. How are you?



Answer: Fuck off.

Article by:  BuzzFeed